Wytchy Humour (Cackle, cackle)

[estatigua (Tiggy)]

;DMerry Meet my dear Sisters & Brothers
Well as some of you may have noticed I am a bit of a joker,a smiley person who loves to make people feel good. Been like it from an early age so I have been told. Our Craft is a serious subject & no one more than me knows how to be serious at the required time but I was sitting here thinking this morning.Yup tis morn here while all you lovely American folk & some other countries are snoring in your beds WAKE UP! I am lonleeeee lol I digress....anyway...there I was thinking & this idea popped in my teeny but well awake brain Why not have a place where we can all come to make each other feel good, leave fun stuff & witchy humour etc. I truly believe it is a powerful healing medicine & I have used it to help myself & others over many obstacles. Also The Goddess gave me my laughter & twinkle (My dad used to call me that) And I am gonna use it. So come on girls & boys make us all cackle

[estatigua (Tiggy)]

Ok I am starting this off. BB Tiggy XXX

;D Butt Prints in the Sand.



One night I had a wondrous dream,

One set of footprints there was seen,

The footprints of the Goddess they were,

But mine were not along the shore.



But then some stranger prints appeared,

and I asked Her, "What have we here?

These prints are large and round and neat

But much too big to be from feet."



"My child," She said in somber tones,

"For miles I carried you alone.

I challenged you to walk in faith,

But you refused and made me wait."



"You would not learn, you would not grow,

The walk of faith, you would not know,

So I got tired, I got fed up,

And there I dropped you on your butt.



"Because in life, there comes a time.

When one must fight, and one must climb,

When one must rise and take a stand,

Or leave their butt prints in the sand."

[estatigua (Tiggy)]

;D Footprints

I dreamed that I was walking down the beach with the Goddess.
And I looked back and saw footprints in the sand.

But sometimes there were two pairs of footprints,
and sometimes there was only one.
And the times when there was only one pair of footprints,
those were my times of greatest trouble.

So I asked the Goddess,
"Why, in my greatest need, did you abandon me?"

She replied, "I never left you.
Those were the times when we both hopped on one foot."
And lo, I was really embarrassed for bothering
Her with such a stupid question.

[estatigua (Tiggy)]

One of my favs.

;D Hush Little Pagan Baby.



Hush little baby don't you squall
Momma's gonna buy you a crystal ball
And if you still can't see beyond
Momma's gonna buy you a magic wand
And if that wand don't change your fate
Momma's gonna teach you to levitate
And if the astral makes you sick,
Momma's gonna buy you an incense stick
And if that patchouli smells rank
Momma's gonna buy you a sensory deprivation tank
And if that tank don't float your bones
Momma's gonna buy you some precious stones
And if those gems don't ease your heart
Momma's gonna buy you a natal chart
And if your planets go berserk
Momma's gonna buy you some bodywork
And if your aura still needs kneading
Momma's gonna buy you a past life reading
And if your destiny stays hid
Momma's gonna buy you a pyramid
And if your chakras still feel stressed
Momma's gonna take you on a vision quest
And if power animals don't come to charm ya
Sorry, kid, it's just your karma.

[estatigua (Tiggy)]

;D
Q.How many Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A.Depends on what you want to change it into.


Q. What's the best thing about Pagan friends?
A.They worship the ground you walk on.

[estatigua (Tiggy)]

;D You Gotta Believe


A man is standing on the edge of a bridge, one leg over the railing,
ready to jump. At the last moment, he hears a voice from below: "WAIT!
don't jump!" He looks down to see a hideous, knarled woman.

He replies "Why shouldn't I jump? My wife just left me--for my best friend
and business partner. HE absconded with all the proceeds of the business
and I'm ruined financially. AND my doctor just told me I have an uncurable,
chronic, very painful disease. What do I have to live for?"

The knobby-faced woman replied "I'm a witch! I can help you. I'll grant
you three wishes, any wish you want, and in exchange you just have to do
me a small favor."

"Well...really?"

"Yes,, really! What are your wishes?"

"First, I want my wife to come back to me and for everything to be the way
it used to be between me & her, and for us to stay that way always."

The witch clapped her hands:"DONE! Next?"

Second, I want my business to be a huge success and for me to be the sole
owner. I don't want to have ever even heard of my business partner. The
witch clapped: "DONE"

"And I want to be really healthy and never get sick"

"DONE! Now you have to do me my favor!"

"What?"

"You have to make love to me!"

The man looked at the truly unattractive woman and groaned.

"Come on, a deal's a deal"

"OK!"

They went off and made love. As they had finished and were putting their
clothes back on, the woman turned to the man and spoke: "Sonny, aren't you
a little old to believe in witches???"

[estatigua (Tiggy)]

;D What do you call a witches cat that drinks vinegar ?
A sour puss !
What do you call a witches cat that never comes when he's called ?
ImPUSSible
What do you call a witches cat with no legs ?
Anything you like, she won't be able to chase you !

(Now they were really awful weren't they lol)

[Fallen]

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL......I lOVE this post!!!!!!! This was a great idea Ayleen.

[estatigua (Tiggy)]

Thanks sweetheart, was startin to think I was the only one alive in here! Tee hee Well we have to have fun too don't we.
See you tomorrow sis
BB Tiggy x

[estatigua (Tiggy)]

I am sure you have all read this before but I love it

TOP TEN REASONS WHY
WITCHES DON'T WORSHIP SATAN

10- Scorch marks on the furniture whenever Satan manifests.

9- Not even Lysol can mask the smell of brimstone.

8- Hard to keep flaming goat's skulls lit.

7- Decreased availability of blonde virgins.

6- Blood stains from the sacrifices are *impossible* to get out of the carpet.

5- Wailing of the d**ned souls in hell keeps the neighbours awake.

4- The cats keep attacking Satan's tail, which annoys him.

3- Repeated stooping motions for administering the Kiss of Shame
(is difficult on the older coven members).

2- Demons smell even worse than brimstone.

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY
WITCHES DON'T WORSHIP SATAN........

1- Impossible to worship something that doesn't exist!!

[altachica]

LOL... I really needed a good laugh today! Thank you. I agree this is a really good idea!

Altachica

[Fallen]

I wish I knew some funny ones to contribute. Alas, I am boring and have no good jokes. I will walk away with my head bowed in shame. *sigh*. lol, keep them coming,Tiggy I'm loving them all.

[Mooncrone]

Ayleen,
You crack me up! I think it's a great idea. Besides life does get a little trying sometimes, and laughter is a good medicine......natural too! So why not?! JUST GO FOR IT!
Blessings
Laura )O(
x

[estatigua (Tiggy)]

Memo From the Cat


MEMO

To: Large Human Resident of My Home
From: Her Royal Highness, Princess Feline

Subject: The burdens I must bear

You are my most senior staff member, and by "senior" I mean, of course, "oldest," because I hold both of your daughters in much higher regard.
This position means you have certain responsibilities,responsibilities you are not living up to.

Naturally, I am speaking about the dog, who has recently written a cowardly memo to you in an attempt to spark a revolt in the household.
It was your duty to administer swift and preferably capital punishment to the insubordinate animal, and your dismal failure in the matter has led me to craft this letter. This forces me to do something I am utterly loathe to do--acknowledge your existence. I must warn you that as a result, I am putting a copy of this memo in your personnel file.

This whole matter is most unseemly, as the dog lacks standing to
register a complaint of any kind. This is an animal who, when allowed outside, rewards us by defecating in our yard!
How often, I ask you, have we been enjoying a lovely evening of our favorite activity--sitting in front of the television in the family
room, everyone taking turns stroking and worshiping me--only to have this mutt release a gaseous emission that brings tears to our eyes and screams of anguish from your children? You'll never catch a cat performing such an indelicacy. In my view the both of you should be banished to the deck--you can watch television and me through the window.

His tendency to bark at the most routine event--such as the ringing of the doorbell (is this supposed to be some sort of warning? We all heard the doorbell, for goodness sake!) is most perturbing, as it interferes with my hobby--bird watching. (I've been observing the birds in the feeder for more than a year now, and have determined that most of them can be classified as "edible.")

The only function at which the animal excels is as a pillow for my
mid-late afternoon nap, and sometimes for my early late afternoon nap as well. Yet even at this he often fails, falling into a restless state full of leg-twitching and soft yipping. (I know you think he is dreaming of chasing rabbits, but nothing could be further from the truth. You know what he is dreaming of? Running from cats, and well he should. He knows he's in serious trouble with me, you can tell by the way he slinks around in my presence.)

As a species, you can't get much lower. Have you ever seen two or more of them mingle together? They sniff each other in unmentionable places, then race over to lift their legs on the bushes, proudly strutting around as if they've caught a mouse or something, when all they've done is urinate on target.

Even worse: I think the fool canine actually likes me. It's probably
because I am so beautiful; but have you ever thought about what it is like to be licked by that tongue? It's like being wiped down with a drooling carpet.

In short, the dog has done nothing but cause trouble ever since I, its replacement as the most beloved animal in the house, arrived to take the throne. This attempt to violate the chain of command and appeal to you to stage some sort of peasant uprising is just the latest affront. We would be much better served if we replaced him with a pet we would all find more enjoyable and fun.

[estatigua (Tiggy)]

;D A pagan dies and,to his great suprise,he finds himself standing before some pearly gates.St Peter ask him,"May I help you?" The pagan ask,"Where am I?"
Peter says,"You're at the gates of heaven."
The Pagan says,"But I don't believe in heaven."
Peter frowns at him"You're one of those Pagans,aren't you?""Yes.I believe Im in the wrong place;I'm suppose to go to Summerland". Peter says,"Sorry.We took over Summerland,and it's temporarily closed for remodeling." "What do I do now?"
Peter says,"Well, since we don't allow Pagans in heaven,you have to go to hell.Sorry.Just follow that path that leads downward and to the left."
The Pagan walks down to hell where the gates are standing open.He walks in and finds beautiful meadows,happy animals,and clear streams of water.
He walks in and begins exploring,and after a few minutes a courtly gentleman walks up to him and bows politely."Hello,I'm Satan.You must be the guy that St Peter phoned me about.Are you a Pagan?"
"Yes, I am.What's going to happen now?"
Satan says,"Well the fishing is pretty good if you enjoy that sort of thing.There is a little refreshment stand down the road,and I believe the Pagan meeting grounds are right over the next hill."
Suddenly, a hole opens up in the sky,and a yawning chasm opens directly underneath it.The stench of sulphur fills the air.Hundreds of screaming, tortured souls drop down into the flaming pit,which immediately closes up with a thud.
The Pagan hardly believing what he just saw,askSatan,"And what was THAT??"
Satan rolls his eyes."Oh ,just ignore them.They are Christians,they wouldn't have it any other way."